Supinate The Wrist?

Professor Jaworski's Weekly Jewel

It looks like this is going to be a season-long feature, as Jaws delivered another gem last night during MNF. I certainly hope Jaworski isn't using all of his best material during the preseason, nah...he's too smart for that. Naturally, Jaws is at his best when he is commenting on the action(s) of a QB during a replay. Monday night was no exception. Early in the third-quarter, Joey Harrington had the Falcons just outside of the red zone as he hit a wide open Roddy White in the corner of the end zone with a beautiful pass--which White dropped. Here's what Jaworski had to say during the iso-cam replay of Harrington,

"See, right here...look at this--nice. Supinated the wrist Tony, as we like to say in the quarterback profession...laid it right in the bread basket."

"Soup-in-eight-ed" the wrist? I damn near busted a finger as I scrambled over to dictionary.com for the definition of supinate.

Vick Finds Jeebus

What a shock. Somebody gets in trouble, and *poof*...they find Jesus. Jesus, the all powerful crime cleanser! Look, I have no problem with religion and deities, I'm just tired of criminals telling us how they "found" Jesus in some lame attempt to be forgiven by the public, and garner leniency from the courts. How about this...find Jesus, and keep it to yourself. Seriously, Jesus probably doesn't want the rest of creation thinking that he and Vick are "boys" whether he forgave him or not, for...having...dogs...killed.

Along with the announcement of his new friendship with the son of God, Vick took some time out of his post-plea press conference to throw down some apologies. He apologized to Roger Goodell, Arthur Blank, his Falcons teammates, and of course...the kids. Yes, the kids. All of those fresh-faced wide-eyed dreamers who aspire to be a herpes-spreading, run first, pass second QB with no pocket presence, that has...dogs...killed.

Hump Day Brain Delay

Greed Is Good

Look kids! Another wonderful, semi-regular feature from West Side Slant, aimed at staying current without having to do any real work. Wednesdays are tough enough as it is without having to come up with what we like to call "material" around here. Therefore, we'll rely on the rest of the Internet for content and shamelessly promote blogs that we like. Speaking of shameless, stay tuned for the seamless segue mentioning our new sponsor later in the post. We're not selling out, we're buying in baby! Bud Fox was a puss.

Money Players, a site dedicated to the facts and figures of big money ballplayers weighs in on the Michael Vick situation.

So which is worse, killing dogs or betting on dogs? Uh, we'll go with spreading herpes.

Is there a worse bet than on a dog fight? Probably not, but preseason NFL football comes awfully close. But hey, if there's a buck to be made (or lost) we're all for it...so long as no animals are harmed in the process. Visit our friends at BetUS.com for current NFL preseason lines. Damn I'm good.

Speaking of greed, Garret Anderson was hording RBI like they were going out of style the other night. Our friends at The Hater Nation had something to say about his detractor(s). THN is a pretty cool site, and the post comments are always worth checking out.

Switching from greed to desperation, America's least favorite tomato can, Peter McNeeley has announced his intention to return to the ring. Apparently, his 'boys' are better swimmers than he was a fighter. Similac ain't exactly cheap, so it looks like it's time for Pete to get his face smashed in for cash...again. Being a human body-bag has got to suck on so many different levels. Maybe all of the frontal lobe damage makes it tolerable. Check out The Sweet Science for the full story.

Does anybody care what the Ottawa Senators new sweater will look like? I didn't think so. But The Universal Cynic sure the hell does. Hey, we all have our crosses to bear. TUC is a top-rate commentator stuck in a one-horse town. Bookmark it, and check back when the NHL and NFL are in full swing.

Chavez Ravine En Fuego

We love ESPN's The Bronx Is Burning for many reasons, but overall have to grade the mini-series a shaky B-, teetering on a C+ so far. Cut the 'Son of Sam' nonsense, slap this baby on HBO, and we've got an A+. Going into the series, I was primed and ready to be disappointed. After all, an actor I had never heard of was going to portray my boyhood idol. Yes, I was a weird kid growing up here in So Cal. Mr. October was my guy. Try going to grade school in La Puente with a Yankee cap on during the fall in the late '70s. At age 7, the 1977 World Series was the first sporting event that I vividly remember caring about, and Reggie Jackson made an impression on me that lasts to this day. That being said, Daniel Sunjata has done a remarkable job in portraying Jackson, and John (Jesus) Turturro deserves an emmy or three as Billy Martin.

Enjoy this in-game audio clip we found on You Tube while searching; 1977 World Series. Whoever decided to mic-up Tommy Lasorda was a genius. It's the top of the 2nd inning, game 4 with the Yanks holding a 2-1 series lead. Lefty Doug Rau had just given up one earned run on three consecutive hits, resulting in runners at 2nd and 3rd with Craig Nettles coming to the plate. That's all Tommy needed to see, as he headed out to the mound to yank Rau and stall for time while Rick Rhoden warmed up. Turn up your speakers and enjoy, as Lasorda and Rau get into it on the mound in front of the entire Dodger infield. As with all manager rants, make sure the room is free of children and bosses. Count the F-blasts for fun.

"Ookie Ice" Rocks The Mic

Some people say that every cloud has a silver lining. Well "some" people are just plain stupid. Try living by that philosophy when a real tragedy happens upon you, or a loved one. But in the case of the Federal Government vs. Ron Mexico...silver linings out the arse baby! Yes, I feel bad for the dogs mainly because they were tortured and bred into a hellish existence of depravity, squalor, and blood lust. Just watching HBO's Real Sports investigative report of the dog fighting culture down south made me physically angrier than anything I've seen on television in my entire life, well except for that BS "tuck rule" abomination back in '02. Where was I? Oh yeah, the silver linings. First of all, these are Pit Bulls were talking about. A breed of dog that has absolutely no business being a domesticated pet...anywhere. People should have to go to a zoo to even view those hounds from hell, and no it's not the owner...it's the breed. Sadist rednecks just add a hair trigger to an already ferocious killing machine. Silver lining #2; a herpes spreading superstar athlete will be out of the "groupie banging" business for a while. Now all we need is for Derek Jeter to change his name to Tony Puertorico, and get brought up on gerbil fighting charges. Yeah I know, that was wrong...but it felt so right.

Silver lining #3; all of the funny stuff on You Tube relating to this entire ordeal. Or so we thought. Don't even bother searching. It's the same 2 or 3 lame jokes, with crappy video or animation everywhere you look. Hurry back SNL! But there was one gem that stood out amidst a sea of unwatchable garbage. Ever wonder what it would sound like if Michael Vick responded to the world by rapping? Me neither. Thank God we have this. This is a cut from a rapper pretending to be Vick. The only thing that would make this better is if it really was Vick laying down the vocals. "Making it rain in the kennel" is the line that got me. The sad thing is, it wouldn't even shock me if it was really him. Whatever happened to simple crimes like double homicide, forcible rape, and defecating in someones laundry? Ahhh, the good old days.

This is NOT Michael Vick Rapping. Just Pretend It Is, Like I Do.

Rotate The Spheroid

Jabber Jaws

We love Jaws, the film and the former QB turned telestrator guru. Ron Jaworski made his MNF debut this week, and didn't disappoint as he threw out an absolute gem. Commenting on Jay Cutler during a slo-mo replay of a pass completion, Jaws said that Cutler really knows how to, "rotate the spheroid." Rotate the spheroid? I always thought that's what my doctor is going to do to me when I hit 40. Hey, don't blame me for a cheap prostate, uh...crack. Blame it on the brilliance of one Mr. Ronald Vincent Jaworski. In one breath he emphasized the beauty of a tight spiral, and reminded me that I'm only two and a half years away from being finger diddled by some pill-pushing HMO Nazi in a Blue Shield smock. Thanks Jaws. Kudos to ESPN for putting him in the booth next to Tirico who does a decent job at best, and Kornheiser who's the kind of guy you go out of your way to avoid in public, or in a social setting. I understand that it's tough to put together a solid booth crew for any televised sporting event, let alone Monday Night Football. But I have a solution. This solution is by no means a short term fix. Give me some credit here people...I'm a visionary. My vision will make every televised sporting event a pleasure to listen to as well as watch. There is a solution...

Clone Gus Johnson!

It may take 30 years or so, but if we start now we could have a play-by-play master race of Guses. Imagine March Madness with Gus manning the desk, throwing coverage to all of the other Guses calling the regional action. Same thing with everything else, from the Super Bowl to the X-Games, and PA recordings at international airports. Forget the fact that Gus hasn't signed off on this himself...we know people.

Gallery Goons

Here's something that has been annoying the bat-guana out of me for a very long time, idiots in the gallery. I was all set to enjoy Tiger's quest for his 13th major on Sunday. Jim Nantz was calling the action and I was armed with my fluffiest pillow. I knew I was in for some great napping before I had to "come to" for the final few holes. Then the inevitable happened. It took exactly one split-second for some inbred hayseed to holler, "IN THE HOLE!" during Tiger's follow through on his first shot of the day! Thanks a lot you chromosomal challenged yokel. I sincerely hope you got your jollies by playing it over and over again for your wife/cousin when you got back to your Tulsa adjacent trailer park, "Lookee here Crystal, I'm on national teeeveee!" Seriously, DVR's and Tivo should come with an IQ test. Individuals with low scores, and those living below the Mason-Dixon line should not be allowed to record live sporting events for that kind of behavior alone. Like I said, I have a vision.

Hiatus Terminus

Well, it was fun while it lasted. After completely ignoring the sports world for two months to enjoy the summer, and move the WSS command post a few miles down the road, we're back. And to be quite honest, we're a little disappointed with you sports world. We go away for a little while, and all hell breaks loose while we're gone. Dog fighting? Point shaving/inflating? Seriously, these kind of stories need to break when everyone is paying attention. Be a little more considerate next time, okay?

755**

The picture pretty much says it all. We gave Barry a second asterisk just for coming off as complete jerk for the better part of the last twenty years. Bonds took a Clay Hensley letter-high fastball the other way, over Petco's left field wall to tie Hank Aaron for the all-time home run record. As expected, Bonds rounded the bases to a mixed reaction from the San Diego crowd.

The best shot of the night was the iso-cam action of Bud Selig's stoic non-reaction to the historic moment. Bud looked like a hillbilly groom at a shotgun wedding. He clearly didn't want to be there, but sadly there was nothing he could do about it. After the game Selig offered his official, prefabricated, counsel approved statement.

"No matter what anybody thinks of the controversy surrounding this event, Mr. Bonds' achievement is noteworthy and remarkable."

Selig went on to say that either himself or a league representative will be in attendance until Bonds breaks Aaron's record,

"out of respect for the tradition of the game, the magnitude of the record and the fact that all citizens in this country are innocent until proven guilty."

This guy hasn't learned a thing from Roger Goodell.

Must Read

In light of the NBA referee scandal involving Tim Donaghy, Ric Bucher of ESPN The Magazine offers an in depth look at the state of officiating in the NBA. After reading this, throwing a chain-link fence around the court and letting the players call their own fouls doesn't sound like too bad of an idea. Hell, it would do wonders for the ratings alone.