Dog Days = Guest Columnist

Well, we're finally at the time of year when we can't find anything sports related to get excited about, let alone comment on. I imagine that'll change the second anything new develops with Kobe and his supporting cast full of D-leaguers. We can't talk about the Angels just yet, as thirty-plus years of watching that team has taught us not to get excited about the Halos until at least September, mid August at the earliest. So it's time to do what any other blogger in a summertime haze, who cares more about golf and girls in half-shirts this time of year would do; bring in a guest columnist for the sake of a fresh post.

Meet Tim Bartolini, our first guest columnist. Tim's an interesting young man who fell off of the cheesesteak truck several months back, and is now trapped behind our Orange Curtain. Tim has three passions: Philadelphia sports, misogyny, and cinema. Not necessarily in that order. A couple of weeks back, Tim wrote a review of the Rambo trailer when it first hit the internets. So, I sandbagged it for a rainy day. You'll see more from Tim in the future, especially when I feel like phoning it in. The views expressed by our angry little friend do not reflect the views of WSS, we just like his style. After the review, check out the carnage for yourself.

Prevue Revue
by Tim Bartolini

John Rambo (Rambo IV)









Sly Stallone has directed and will release an all new installment in his First Blood/Rambo franchise. Sly's career hit a decade-long skid after the under appreciated Cop Land. Many failures followed; Get Carter, Eye See You, Detox, Burn Hollywood Burn. As a life-long fan of Stallone I'm sad to say the list goes on and on... and on. Is Sly giving another nod toward his fans like he did with his recent Rocky movie or is this just a cash grab? I'm a huge fan but it really chaps my ass when celebs put a death grip on fame and never let it go. Say it ain't so Sly

We have all seen when celebrities just can't let go of their fame with dignity. Grasping desperately for some last bit of relevancy. Madonna kissing Britney Spears (*gasp* that 50 year old Madonna is still so edgy!), Aerosmith doing the Superbowl halftime show with Kid Rock and Nelly (yawn), or when Sting did a duet with the artist formerly known as Puff Daddy. How about when Sting sold his Desert Rose song to ummm... every company that offered him 30 seconds of airtime between laugh tracks? Or when he got back together with band members he; A: Hates and B: Knows hate him. Okay I hate Sting, I admit it. Anyway, somehow Sly made a good Rocky movie 15 years later than he should have. A new Rambo movie makes me think he's just pushing his luck and pulling a "Sting." Just grasping for the aforementioned "last bit of relevancy" and yes, it makes me worry.

Did I say "makes"? My bad, I meant MADE me worry. You know why? Because I just saw three minutes of the movie and ummm... IT KICKS TITS! Now seriously... people say "kicks tits" all the time and never really mean it, but this movie trailer takes "tits" and physically boots them like there is candy inside. Okay skeptics, go on and say it. I'm biased, I'm an idiot, I'm gay for Stallone. Whatever... I just miss REAL action movies. Call me a purist.

Everyone has been blindly accepting anything that comes out in this multiplex world of entertainment that's getting "safer" every god damned day. Look at Live Free or Die Hard, (wow... such a bad title) the fourth in the Die Hard franchise which opens this summer. Die hard, one of the baddest-assed action movies of all time has been vagina-fied into a PG-13 sequel so it will appeal to a wider audience. I want my reaction to be seen by an all ages audience so to this I will declare; WHAT THE HECK?! Are you kidding me?

Whether people are ready for it or not, John Rambo doesn't give a safe Hollywood HOOT about demographics and target audiences. He doesn't care about America's delicate sensibilities, and he sure as hell doesn't care about the enemy's preference of NOT being mutilated by a 60 year-old former green beret. Go check it out on You Tube, I'll be here in three minutes.

Did you see it? Sicker than plague right!? I don't know about you but I swear, my testicles grew biceps after watching that shit!

This movie is going to pull ZERO punches as long as the MPAA doesn't get in the way. Sly is killing and running better than a man half his age. Here's the thing though; beyond all of the ass kicking there is a sense that Stallone is putting the same kind of "What would fans of this franchise want?" line of thinking into this, as he did with his last Rocky movie. What a novel idea; giving the people that made you successful what they want rather than trying to make something for 15 year-old kids that don't give a shit. That doesn't happen often, so if you did enjoy the Rambo movies at some point, take time to appreciate what Sly is making FOR YOU. This type of thing just doesn't happen anymore, and might not again for quite a while. Besides, who am I to accuse John Rambo of a cash grab? Did you see what he did to those people?

Some People Wanna' Fill The World With Silly Love Songs

What's wrong with that? Well nothing, unless they're about Robert Horry. Not that there's anything wrong with 'Big-Shot' Bob, he'll always have a special place in hearts that pump purple and gold. But writing a Gin Blossom-ish pop diddy, dripping with affection seems a bit much. I came across this while searching You Tube for great moments in Lakers playoff history. Yeah I know, pretty pathetic. But with what's going on right now, can you blame me? Thank God for You Tube, the sports fan's personal flux capacitor. This song does have one line that elicited a chuckle at about the 1:20 mark: "He doesn't get commercial spots, he just hits game winning shots." Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go write a break-up tune about Mitch Kupchack. Good luck in the quest for your seventh ring Robert.