Just Another Day In Lakerland

A Tale Of Two Jerrys










ESPN is reporting that according to team insiders, Jerry West will rejoin the Los Angeles Lakers on July 1st as a "consultant." In a related story, Kobe Bryant has refuted a report by Ric Bucher that Bryant gave the organization an ultimatum, leading to West's return:

"I would love for him to be a part of this," Bryant said. "But it's not something where I demand he comes here. All I can do is offer my thoughts. I love being a Laker. I want to retire a Laker. I want to fix this thing, or at least help any way I can."

There are a lot of people, like Adam of The Hater Nation, who are of the opinion that Kobe calls the shots when it comes to front office decisions. They're the same people who mistakenly believe that Kobe ran Shaq out of town. Jerry Buss is the one who sent O'neal packing, for having a fat gut and an even fatter mouth. There's no doubt that Kobe is consulted when it comes to the direction of the organization, it just seems a little far-fetched that he is throwing down ultimatums. I think it's safe to assume that most organizations usually consult their franchise player before making a big move, especially if he is one of the league's best. For example, if you think that Randy Moss was signed by the Patriots without Tom Brady's blessing--you're out of your mind. Besides, it's not like bringing back Jerry West is an original concept. The rumor of his return started the very second that it was announced he was leaving Memphis, it has nothing to do with Kobe Bryant.

It's just too bad that West's duties won't include showing Mitch Kupchack the door. Most Lakers fans debate which is worse; Kupchak's knees, or his ability as a GM. Believe it or not, there are a few Kupchack apologists out there. They like to bring up the fact that other organizations aren't willing to deal with the Lakers. They remind us that half of the league's general managers are former players who were getting their asses handed to them by the 'Showtime' Lakers of the 80's. I'm not buying any of that garbage. It's not like the rest of the teams in the league were lining up to help out West and the Lakers back in the 80's and 90's. But somehow, West always managed to reload the team. Say what you want about the Van Exel/Vlade years, that team would have beaten the hell out of the 06-07 Lakers. Let's just hope that Mitch Kupchack keeps his mouth shut, and does exactly what Jerry West says. There's a very slim chance that West will have a real impact at this point, but it's definitely worth a shot. West is pushing 70 and has been unsuccessfully trying to retire for at least fifteen years, so his tenure as consigliere will be short. Hopefully he has one last trick up his sleeve.

Buss Picked Up On DUI Charges

In other Lakers/Jerry news, owner Jerry Buss was arrested by the CHP in Carlsbad on a DUI chage. According to officers, Buss was spotted cruising in his Benz on the wrong side of the road. It's alleged that he failed a road side sobriety test, and blew at least a .08 on the breathalyzer. But the best part of this story is the fact that Buss had a 23 year-old female passenger with him who was not arrested. God bless money. Money: the one and only reason on the planet that any woman under the age of 50 would be rolling around town with a sauced-up 74 year-old man. Rock on Jerry.

**UPDATE**

Kobe Demands Trade

There's nothing like defending Kobe Bryant, only to have it come back to haunt you a day later. So much for all that 'wanting to retire a Laker' crap he was shoveling all over the AM dial here in So Cal on Tuesday.

Profiles In Courage: "Death Row Raider"

Meet Robert Charles Comer. The use of his middle name in published reports indicates that he likes to kill people. The tear-drop tats and orange onesie are dead give-aways that he is a Raiders fan--or maybe it's the other way around. Either way, one thing is certain; Comer is one evil SOB with a PSL in the real black hole. Most felons who pull for the 'Silver and Black' usually commit their assaults in public. They either beat someone down in the parking lot while tailgating, or try to 'box-cut' an opposing fan during the game. But Comer was a little bit smarter than your average Raiders fan, and a helluva lot sicker. He took his game on the road. Back in 1987 he went on a rampage in a campground at Apache Lake, east of Phoenix. He fatally shot a man in the head, and then went on to attack a young couple at a nearby campsite. After tying the male half of the couple to the fender of a car, well...you can guess the rest. If gory details are your thing, here's the full story.

Comer was put to death by the state of Arizona on Tuesday. Before he was administered a hot dose of sodium pentathol, he had his last meal--fried okra and banana bread. What kind of last meal is that for a Raiders fan? Two 99-cent hot dogs from AM PM sounds more like it, a last 'lunner' if you will. After wolfing down his feast, Comer was strapped to the gurney and asked if he had any last words. Witnesses to the execution reported that Comer smiled and said, "Yes...Go Raiders!"

I'll bet that little quip gave the victims' families a real sense of closure. Being a non inked-up, law abiding Raiders fan, like yours truly is a tough enough existence as it is. A story like this could make one seriously question his allegiance. Who wants to be affiliated with murderers, rapists, and thugs? Well, besides the NFL. Wait, did somebody say Jamarcus? Never mind...Go Raiders!

Kyle Farnsworth Has A Problem With The Rocket's Flex-Time Schedule

Yanks' Clubhouse Back To Business As Usual

Kyle Farnsworth has officially earned his pin stripes, becoming a true Yankee by criticizing one of his teammates. Although this isn't exactly Billy Martin vs Reggie vs Munson, it's interesting nonetheless. It's always interesting when a professional athlete makes negative comments regarding a teammate. Especially when it's a decent (at best) middle reliever calling out one of the game's best pitchers to ever toe the rubber. It's even better when the reliever has an affinity for body slamming opponents, and the Hall of Famer won't think twice about trying spear a batter with a broken bat--for having the audacity to let his bat break and harmlessly dribble towards him. There's only one problem, Clemens won't even be around for there to be any tension. What a ballsy move by Farnsworth, calling out a teammate who he probably won't be within 10 feet of all season. That's the problem as far as Kyle is concerned. He is of the opinion that Roger should have to be with the team all season, and attend every game. Kyle Farnsworth is certainly entitled to his opinion on what Roger Clemens should or shouldn't be doing. Try as I might, there is no way I could read that last sentence aloud with a straight face. Here's what Kyle had to say:


“As far as a teammate and a player, I think everybody should be here whether they’re pitching or not.”

“You don’t see guys who are hurt not sit on the bench. They’re always there.”

“It’s just an opinion of mine. I don’t think it’s a concern at all,” he said. “You guys asked my opinion about it and I gave it.”


“Whether it’s going to cause a problem, we’ll see,” Farnsworth said. “I don’t think it will. We’re all professionals here and we know how to go about our jobs. As far as friction, he’s going to be here to help this team win. That’s the only thing that everybody is worried about.”


Isn't contradiction a wonderful thing? Whatever deal Roger Clemens' agent hammered out between his client and the Yankees is no concern of Kyle Farnsworth. Until he knows what it's like to be a Cooperstown-bound 44 year-old flame-throwing mercenary, he may want to shut the hell up.

Side Note

Apologies to The Slant's 5 or 6 loyal readers for the lack of posts lately. Your trusty editor has been crippled lately, due to a serious Wii addiction. It got to the point where the sleep deprivation was too much to bear. I had to lend the system to a friend for a few days, just to regain a sense of normalcy. That damn thing is the video game equivalent to crack, especially the tennis. I've lost six pounds in the last two weeks, and I have no idea what the hell is going on in the world.

Kentucky Steakhouse 86's O.J.

What's A Pariah Gotta' Do To Get A Rib-Eye?

This is great. Better than the inset photo of 'The Juice' doing his best impersonation of 'The Cos'. O.J. Simpson was tossed out of an 'upscale' steakhouse by the joint's owner, on the eve of the Kentucky Derby. Jeff Ruby, who owns restaurants in several states said that he walked up to Simpon's party of 12 seated in the back, and told the artist formerly known as Nordberg, "I'm not serving you." Ruby said that he was upset that a customer was 'giddy' over spotting Simpson. “I didn’t want that experience in my restaurant,” Ruby said, and added that the attention he was getting made him sick to his stomach. Here are some more comments by Ruby during a phone interview:

“I didn’t want to serve him because of my convictions of what he’s done to those families.”

“The way he continues to torture the lives of those families ... with his behavior, attitude and conduct.”

“It was the first time since 1994 he has ever shown any class, he showed it that night in the restaurant by leaving quietly."

O.J.'s attorney, Yale Galanter was unavailable to comment on the incident. Yale Galanter? I'll bet he knows Harvard Nobler.

I get where Jeff Ruby is coming from, but there was a better way he could have gone about things, and still made his point. Well, a funnier way. He should have served O.J. his steak, all pre-cut like his mommy did it--and a plastic spork, no knife.

Floyd Wins Gum Flapping Rights

De La Hoya Abandons Jab, Loses Split Decision

In what many critics are calling the end of big time boxing, Floyd Mayweather Jr. earned a split decision victory over Oscar De La Hoya. Mayweather is still maintaining that this was his last fight...sure it was. Without boxing, where the hell is Mayweather going to find a camera to flip hundred dollar bills at? Without the fight game, who is going to listen to his bombastic rants? Well besides HBO, who will stick a mic into the hands on anybody who ever laced up a pair of gloves. In fact that's not a bad idea at all. I'd tune in eight days a week if HBO stuck Floyd right in between Lampley and Larry Merchant.

It looked like Oscar was going to have his way with Floyd early in the fight. He was cutting off the ring, and walking Floyd down with jabs before going to the body. Then the fifth round came, Floyd flipped the switch and Oscar put away his jab. Game over. After the fight, Larry Merchant asked Oscar why he abandoned his jab mid-way through the bout:

"For some reason, it wasn't the night of the jab. For some reason, I don't know--every time I would throw it, it would snap his head back and I could see his nose bleeding just from the jab alone. But for some reason it was just one of those nights."

Huh? You lost me Oscar. You were snapping his head back, and bloodying his nose but it wasn't the night of the jab? Maybe it is rocket science, and I'm the stupid one.

The pro De La Hoya crowd at the MGM Grand was none too pleased with the judges decisions, as a chorus of boos rained down when the decision was announced. The crowd seamlessly segued from booing to the ever popular B.S. chant. I guess they weren't watching the same fight as the rest of us. Neither was judge Tom Kaczmarek, who had the bout scored 115-113 for De La Hoya. WSS unofficially scored the fight 115-114 in favor of Mayweather. Six rounds to five, with the first round as a draw.

Pre-Fight Prediction

We'll Take This Hombre

At the moment, the WSS command post is buzzing with activity. Plenty of preparation goes into getting ready to host a bunch of heathens for fight night. So this post will be short and sweet, and is only being published so we can be on record before this thing goes down. WSS is going with Oscar, by way of a 9th round KO/TKO. I like Oscar's size and power over Floyd's speed and elusiveness. If Oscar commits to digging Floyd to the body early and often, he should be able to put him away. Either way, it should be a very entertaining fight. For 65 bucks, it better be.