Steve Nash Likes To Kick People

The MVP Needs To Keep
His Feet To Himself...Eh

The inset photo of Steve Nash doing his best Jackie Chan impersonation is merely for proof that Nash isn't above blasting a defender with a heel kick to the knee cap. Nash was on the attack again Sunday afternoon. The weapon of choice was none other than his trusty Nike Jetflight basketball shoes. Nash drove the lane, spotted Kobe Bryant, and took dead aim at Bryant's 'family jelly beans' before laying it up and in for two. No whistle, no call, count the hoop. Talk about rubbing it in. Apparently, thoroughly out classing the opponent isn't quite enough for 'Greasy Steve'. As a Lakers fan, I'm personally offended that Kobe didn't crack Nash in the teeth for that little stunt. Who cares about a suspension at this point? It's not like the Lakers are going to come back and win the series. If anything, Nash would've been suspended too if his kick had incited a brawl. In fact, Steve Nash should be suspended for Game 5. The league punished Kobe twice this season for flailing his arms after a jump shot, and catching the defender in the face with a back-handed pop. Why should Steve Nash get away with a flying front-kick, or any other type of kick for that matter? He shouldn't, but he will. He's the kind of player that league officials and owners pray for to hit the league once every 20 years--a white superstar. Larry Bird got away with a helluva lot of cheap shots too...I saw them. You've gotta love the old double standard. Trust me, I searched high and low for a photo of Nash playing "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Point Guard" everywhere, and came up with nothing. I find that suspiciously peculiar. I wasn't the only one who saw it. The ESPN crew ran it back as soon as it happened. Mutoni's Spot picked up on it too:

Instead of coming to a full stop whenever the Lakers would send two guys at him, Steve kept moving, and oftentimes he beat the double team and got to the hole for some tough finishes. He even found time in his busy schedule to kick Kobe Bryant on his way to the hoop. So crafty.

Maybe David Stern was too busy helping Roger Goodell revise the NFL's conduct policy to notice his prized white boy's fancy footwork.

Side Note

Somebody please tell Rony Turiaf to calm the hell down when he is on the bench during a home playoff game. His antics are just a little too reminiscent of M.L. Carr's sickening displays back in the '80's. That kind of crap is reserved for Celtics. Act like a Laker Rony. Have some class.

This Won't Hurt Much Lakers Fans...

You'll Just Feel A Little Prick



















The original plan was to break down the first round match-up between the Lakers and Suns. But really, what's the point? You can look at this series from every angle. You can analyze the numbers, factor in the Kobe/Nash effect, and consider the previous head-to-head history. It all adds up to the same equation: Suns in 5. As a lifelong Lakers fan, it pained me to write that last sentence. This is the time of year I'm supposed to be filled with hope, and chomping at the bit for the post-season to tip-off. Sadly, that's not the case this year. The Lakers certainly can't run with Phoenix, if they try they may as well just hand Nash the keys to the Hearse--and a shovel. Slowing it down and working a half-court game won't work either. That takes fundamentals. It takes spacing, smart screens, boxing-out, and hitting open 15-20 foot jumpers. Advantage Phoenix. WSS has been wrong before, just check the archives. We'll be rooting like hell, bleeding Forum Blue and Gold, and hoping we're wrong--again.

Series Over/Unders

235-Kobe's point total for the series.
125-Times the Lakers will be burned by screens, picks, and back-door cuts.
0- Remote controls, lighters, or any other items broken in anger. Age has mellowed me.
47- Expletives shouted/muttered beginning with; horse or bull. So much for that age thing.
51- Times I'll be disgusted by the image of Steve Nash slicking his greasy, sweaty mop back behind his ears.
3- Games in which the Suns are up by 20 or more at some point.
11- Times I'll be positively convinced that Lamar Odom is stoned. Or as Joe Rogan would say, "Higher than girraffe pussy".
0- Amount of times my excitement level will reach the point that I actually think the Lakers could pull off the improbable upset.
4- Phone calls made to fellow fans to commiserate.
23- Times Raja Bell will get away with mugging Kobe.
2- Technical fouls Kobe will get hit with by playing frustrated.
14- Times Charles Barkley will profess his undying love for Steve Nash.
8- Moments that I'll really really really wish Chick Hearn was still alive.
7- Big shots Shawn Marion will hit with that God awful T-Rex jump shot.
4- Times that I will get so annoyed that I turn away for a few minutes, and play some Guitar Hero.

Sued Gossett Jr.

Col. 'Chappy' Doesn't Pay
For Floor Seats--Bitch

Louis Gossett Jr. is being sued by the company that handles ticket sales for Staples Center events. TMZ.com reported that L.A. Area Funding has filed suit in Superior Court seeking over $38K in damages from Gossett. According to the complaint, Gossett signed a contract in 2003 for a Premier Seat package which includes floor seats to nearly every sporting event at Staples for two years--and has yet to remit payment. As much as I'd like to poke fun, and make some Iron Eagle references--I just can't do it. This irritates me. What possible reason would Lou Gossett Jr. have for stiffing Staples? There's no way he's broke, he's been working steady since '58 and is involved with six current projects either in production or filming. Maybe he just forgot, or the check's in the mail...yeah that's it. I suppose Lou has the same bad taste in his mouth that all Lakers fans have had for the past few years. That's understandable, but it's no excuse for not settling up. 'Regular folk' like yours truly have to go through Hell and high water for the opportunity to watch the Lakers disappoint us in person, and we have to pay cash up front.

Speaking of the Lakers and disappointment, check in later this week as we breakdown the first round match-up with the Suns: Desert Deja Vu--Round 2. I know...14 titles as a franchise, 9 in my lifetime, and 8 as a fan--yet I bitch. Maybe there is some way Jerry Buss can convince 'Mr Clutch' to sign on as a consultant now that he is no longer employed by the Grizzlies, without
Jeannie and Phil flipping out. Yeah, that'll happen.

Goodell Proves His Mettle, Suspends Jones

Adam Jones Suspended For
The Entire 2007 Season

The NFL has suspended Adam Jones for the entire 2007 season, and Chris Henry for the first eight games. That's the good news. The bad news is that Jones gets one full year without having to meet any kind of curfew. That is, unless Clark County decides to tell him when it's 'lights out'.

It looks like we owe Roger Goodell an apology. Sorry Commish. We honestly thought you would continue the NFL’s long standing tradition of ‘looking the other way’ when it comes to off-field shenanigans. In addition to the news of the suspensions, Goodell’s press release included some choice words directed at Jones and Henry:

"Your conduct has brought embarrassment and ridicule upon yourself, your club, and the NFL, and has damaged the reputation of players throughout the league. You have put in jeopardy an otherwise promising NFL career, and have risked both your own safety and the safety of others through your off-field actions. In each of these respects, you have engaged in conduct detrimental to the NFL and failed to live up to the standards expected of NFL players. Taken as a whole, this conduct warrants significant sanction."

Bravo. I wonder what kind of favor Goodell owes David Stern for crafting that missive for him.

Goodell's Itchless Trigger Finger

Sham Meeting Leads To No
Decision On Jones' Fate

I love to say I told you so. Especially since the opportunity doesn't come around very often. This was an easy one to call though. NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was feeling the heat, and had to make it appear that imminent changes are on the horizon. So he called Adam Jones into his office for a meeting. Just as predicted, there was no news to report at the conclusion of that meeting. You can read the full non-story here. Goodell said that he would announce his decisions on suspensions and other disciplinary action before the draft, and perhaps in the next 10 days. I hope the commish will forgive us if we don't hold our collective breath in anticipation of his rulings. If nothing else, he should have at least confiscated Jones' nickname. I haven't referred to Adam Jones as 'Pacman' in this post, and I never will again. It's an insult to Manny Pacquiao, Midway Games, and Officer Danny McGavin. Even if Goodell does manage to get the league's conduct policy revised before next season, don't expect the league to make any decisions regarding Adam Jones until the courts have had their way with him. I fully expect that last comment to come back to haunt me, especially after patting myself on the back. Whatever.

Bloomberg To Veto Metal Bat Ban

You wouldn't expect any self respecting New Yorker to support a ban on metal baseball bats would you? Who cares if there are a bunch of concerned parents worried about 'Junior' taking a line-drive to the throat, and croaking on the diamond? Certainly not New York City mayor Mike Bloomberg. Bloomberg announced that he will veto a bill that recently passed, banning metal bats from high school baseball in New York City.

"I don't know whether aluminum bats are more dangerous or less dangerous, but I don't think it's the city's business to regulate that"

I'm guessing the mayor didn't take too much infield practice growing up. Anybody who has ever fielded a ball from both a wooden and an aluminum bat will tell you there is a huge difference. Well, everyone except for Mike Mussina and a few others. I don't know what that's all about. Quick, somebody check Easton's payroll ledger. This whole aluminum bat debate has been going on for nearly 40 years. The only reason it continues is because the aluminum bat industry is a billion dollar monster with deep pockets. Nobody really cares about the kids except for the parents. It's just a nice hook come campaign time. While Bloomberg is at it, he should take away the player's cups and batting helmets. Now get your nose in there Johnny! And don't be afraid of the ball...pussy.

Magna Dum Laude

WSS is all for youthful exuberance. There's nothing quite like witnessing a young man full of promise fulfill a dream. Well, until a mic is shoved in front of his face so he can share his poignant thoughts with the rest of the country. Following Florida's dismantling of Ohio State on Monday night, Joakim Noah took a moment to speak from his heart. Please visit Deadspin for the actual video of this watershed moment. We just think it looks funnier in print.

"....so ya kn'am sayin. We gonna do it big, ALL DAY, ALL NIGHT. Do it HUGE. But you guys have no idea what I'm talkin' 'bout when I'm sayn' that but you...but, but, but, but my boys know...my gator boys know what I'm talkin' 'bout. Gainesville kno' what I'm talkin 'bout"

God bless trust fund babies who try to act 'street'.

Side Notes

A couple in Sweden is petitioning the courts to allow them to name their baby girl Metallica. I'm all for it, so long as their last lame is: Rules. That would look awesome on her Sponge Bob backpack.

Keith Richards recently revealed that he mixed his dead father's ashes with some blow, and tooted up. You can read the full story here. I'll just leave this one to the late night talk show staff writers. Hey, at least I can admit when I'm in over my head.

Weird Al Morissette

The Tuesday Night Retro Spotlight has been replaced this week. We normally take this time to harken back to yesteryear, and wax nostalgic. But something amazing happened to derail TNRS this week. Alanis Morissette lampooned Fergie in her very own 'My Humps' video. I don't know whether to call this a spoof, or a brilliant rearrangement. The genius of it is that Alanis didn't change a single lyric. In one fell swoop she went from being an artist famous for a song about heart break and public fellatio, to a comedic genius.