Goodell's Itchless Trigger Finger

Sham Meeting Leads To No
Decision On Jones' Fate

I love to say I told you so. Especially since the opportunity doesn't come around very often. This was an easy one to call though. NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was feeling the heat, and had to make it appear that imminent changes are on the horizon. So he called Adam Jones into his office for a meeting. Just as predicted, there was no news to report at the conclusion of that meeting. You can read the full non-story here. Goodell said that he would announce his decisions on suspensions and other disciplinary action before the draft, and perhaps in the next 10 days. I hope the commish will forgive us if we don't hold our collective breath in anticipation of his rulings. If nothing else, he should have at least confiscated Jones' nickname. I haven't referred to Adam Jones as 'Pacman' in this post, and I never will again. It's an insult to Manny Pacquiao, Midway Games, and Officer Danny McGavin. Even if Goodell does manage to get the league's conduct policy revised before next season, don't expect the league to make any decisions regarding Adam Jones until the courts have had their way with him. I fully expect that last comment to come back to haunt me, especially after patting myself on the back. Whatever.

Bloomberg To Veto Metal Bat Ban

You wouldn't expect any self respecting New Yorker to support a ban on metal baseball bats would you? Who cares if there are a bunch of concerned parents worried about 'Junior' taking a line-drive to the throat, and croaking on the diamond? Certainly not New York City mayor Mike Bloomberg. Bloomberg announced that he will veto a bill that recently passed, banning metal bats from high school baseball in New York City.

"I don't know whether aluminum bats are more dangerous or less dangerous, but I don't think it's the city's business to regulate that"

I'm guessing the mayor didn't take too much infield practice growing up. Anybody who has ever fielded a ball from both a wooden and an aluminum bat will tell you there is a huge difference. Well, everyone except for Mike Mussina and a few others. I don't know what that's all about. Quick, somebody check Easton's payroll ledger. This whole aluminum bat debate has been going on for nearly 40 years. The only reason it continues is because the aluminum bat industry is a billion dollar monster with deep pockets. Nobody really cares about the kids except for the parents. It's just a nice hook come campaign time. While Bloomberg is at it, he should take away the player's cups and batting helmets. Now get your nose in there Johnny! And don't be afraid of the ball...pussy.

Magna Dum Laude

WSS is all for youthful exuberance. There's nothing quite like witnessing a young man full of promise fulfill a dream. Well, until a mic is shoved in front of his face so he can share his poignant thoughts with the rest of the country. Following Florida's dismantling of Ohio State on Monday night, Joakim Noah took a moment to speak from his heart. Please visit Deadspin for the actual video of this watershed moment. We just think it looks funnier in print.

"....so ya kn'am sayin. We gonna do it big, ALL DAY, ALL NIGHT. Do it HUGE. But you guys have no idea what I'm talkin' 'bout when I'm sayn' that but you...but, but, but, but my boys know...my gator boys know what I'm talkin' 'bout. Gainesville kno' what I'm talkin 'bout"

God bless trust fund babies who try to act 'street'.

Side Notes

A couple in Sweden is petitioning the courts to allow them to name their baby girl Metallica. I'm all for it, so long as their last lame is: Rules. That would look awesome on her Sponge Bob backpack.

Keith Richards recently revealed that he mixed his dead father's ashes with some blow, and tooted up. You can read the full story here. I'll just leave this one to the late night talk show staff writers. Hey, at least I can admit when I'm in over my head.

Weird Al Morissette

The Tuesday Night Retro Spotlight has been replaced this week. We normally take this time to harken back to yesteryear, and wax nostalgic. But something amazing happened to derail TNRS this week. Alanis Morissette lampooned Fergie in her very own 'My Humps' video. I don't know whether to call this a spoof, or a brilliant rearrangement. The genius of it is that Alanis didn't change a single lyric. In one fell swoop she went from being an artist famous for a song about heart break and public fellatio, to a comedic genius.