Agents Swoop Down On High Rolling Elks

Maybe 'Na-Na'
Should Stick To Bingo

It’s always nice to hear about government agencies that are hard at work, eradicating societal ills. Take California’s Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control for example.
NBC 4 reported today that back in November, the CDABC broke up an illegal gambling operation that was taking action on NFL games. The two ring leaders of the nefarious undertaking are each facing up to one year in jail, and a $5,000 fine. Acting on an anonymous tip, armed agents raided the Lake Elsinore Elks Lodge and found an envelope containing $50.00, which was to be paid to the winner of an impromptu Monday Night Football pool. Margaret Hamblin, a 73 year-old great-grandmother, and 39 year-old volunteer waitress Cari Gardner both pleaded not guilty to misdemeanor charges of operating an illegal gambling operation. Both are due in court on February 28 for a preliminary hearing, where the judge will determine if they should stand trial. Hamblin, who has tended bar at the lodge for the past six years said, “It was just regular ‘Monday Night Football’, we were sitting at the bar and the gang wanted to do something.” It was a simple enough pool, 10 people each put in $5.00, and whoever came closest to guessing the combined score between the Jaguars and Giants would have pocketed the cash. Timothy Clark, head of the CDABC’s Riverside district said football pools “are a violation of the law, and we will take whatever we feel is appropriate action to ensure compliance by our licensees.” I wonder how long it took him to memorize that nifty little passage from his ‘booze cop’ handbook. I also wonder where that anonymous tip came from. Ever been to an Elks lodge? There’s always one pariah. The drunken war veteran who plants his rear end on a bar stool as soon as the joint opens, and proceeds to loudly annoy the hell out of everyone until last call. This is purely speculative, but it had to be that guy. The 'lodge jackass' probably wasn’t included in the pool, so he got pissed and dropped a dime. Sounds logical to me. Either way, the folks in Riverside County can finally sleep easy knowing that state agencies are doing their part to better the community…now that they have that pesky little meth problem all squared away.

Breaking News

Anna Nicole Smith died today at the age of 39. You can read the detailed story here. If you had her in this year's dead pool, you just collected a whopping 61 points. Was it the TRIMSPA? Was it a hot dose of smack? Let's hope it was something chemical, because 39 is way too young to go out naturally. Say what you want about her, it always sucks when people under 70 croak. Why? Because it forces 37 year-old men like me to ponder our own mortality for a minute or two. Thanks for that Anna Nicole, and rest in peace. WSS chooses to remember you like this.

Anna Nicole Smith
11/28/67 - 02/08/07


Update

TRIMSPA CEO and Founder, Alex Goen found time to rip off an entire one-and-a-half paragraph online eulogy today. I love the way he points out what a sordid life she led with the very first sentence. What a creep. Enjoy that pending class action lawsuit you're up against Alex.